Small voice Powerful words
by heartless333
Summary: sorry if the names get mixed up I had to constantly change them and also super sorry for any punctuation grammar or any other mess ups


Windows down, frosted mint hair blowing in the wind. Her sunglasses dark, almost as dark as the hole she feels in her soul. It's the last day of summer before her senior year. She smiles to hide how dead inside she feels. On her way to see her boyfriend, Trevor, the love of her life. She pulls up in his driveway and sees him in all of his glory sitting on the front porch. He stands as she gets out of her car. Her smile fades as she sees the cold hard look plastered upon his face. Her look of concern says it all before she has the chance to.

"We need to break up."

The words like knives in her heart. Fighting back tears she simply asks why.

"What we had was fun Aims, but senior year starts tomorrow. I can't handle being wrapped in your depression and trying to keep up my GPA."

"I loved you... You were the best thing in my life."

"I think it's best you just go."

Tears pouring down her soft ivory face, she ripped the necklace he got her on their one year anniversary off her neck and threw it at him. She got in her car, blasted her music and sped off.

New school year. Her last school year. She walks in the big metal double doors greeted with the smell of too much cologne, the sound of friends who haven't seen each other in three months and the oh so familiar glances of hatred. The whispers of yesterday's events already filling her heart with dread. She speeds up but not fast enough to escape the name calling and tormenting from classmates. That's when she sees it. It stops her in her tracks. She watches her former best friend and now school slut holding hands with him, Trevor. Walking down the hall as if it's just another day. The skank spots her and gives an evil little smirk as if knowing it would kill her inside. She turns to run but is slammed into something. Not something... Someone. A teacher she has never seen before. He looked to be about 24. He smiles and reaches out his hand for a shake.

"Hi. My names Mr. Scott. I'm the new senior English teacher."

She carefully puts her hand in his, fumbling her books in the process.

"Hi. I'm Aimee. Welcome to hell otherwise known as Mayfeild High."

"Well Aimee, glad to see at least one of my students has a sense of humor. You are one of my students right?"

"Yes sir, I believe I am." She puts on possibly the most fake smile she ever had and tried to keep her tears at bay. "I'm sorry but I have to get to class."

"I understand. I'll see you in class. Oh and by the way nice hair. I love originality."

She blushes and walks to her first class. An hour of history that she has already listened to 8 years in a row. Same people, same events, same meaningless fights. She sits there and thinks about him. Why would he do that? Why would he go to her? Why would she do that? The bells intrudes on unanswered questions. She gets up and floats through the halls.

It's finally fourth block. Last block of the worst first day. Honors English. English class has always been her safe haven. When she read she got lost in a fantasy world where no one is waiting to beat her up in the bathroom or whispering about her in the halls. When she writes her words tell a story of pain no amount of medicine can help and no amount of time can heal.

She steps in and automatically goes to the back corner of the class. The seat next to the window. She sees Mr. Scott writing his name on the board waiting for the other students to arrive. All through class he would glance at her and she couldn't figure out why. Her mind was too stuck on him. She barely heard a word Mr. Scott said. The bell to go home rang and startled her from her day dreaming.

"Aimee can you stay for a little longer? I think we need to talk." Mr. Scott sits at his desk, leans back and crosses his arms. Getting a little worried she thinks back to this morning when they first greeted each other.

"Look I'm so sorry about this morning, I had a really bad morning. There has just been a lot going on and I don't know what I was thinking saying that to you..."

"Aimee, Aimee calm down. That's not what I want to talk about. You have real skill, you know that? Your writing gave me chills. Only someone with a lot of demons can have a voice so small but yet words so powerful." With every praise she felt better about herself. More confident in everything he said. She felt safe in this classroom with this new teacher. She barely knew him but yet she already clung to every word he gave her.

"Thank you. You're too kind."

"Aimee I have a little project I want you to work on. If your up to it."

"What is it?"

"I want you to write a story, an essay, I don't care, just write something for this contest. It will give you major points for college, money and lots of connections. Do you think you're up to the task?"

"It would be an honor."

"Great I'll see you tomorrow." He smiled and waved and she did the same.

She got in her car and drove to her favorite spot to think about the day. She went to the park she played at when she was younger. So many memories packed into one place. Her first game of catch before her dad died, her first kiss, first skateboard accident that wasn't so accidental. This was her home. She went under the shade tree and spread out her jacket to sit on. Grabbing her journal and lucky pen, she wrote. Her feelings and her dreams. Her nightmares and her beliefs. Everything was safe in this journal.

Once she felt everything that needed to be written was, she went to the store. Skimming through the isles for things she may need she spotted him. The him she never wanted to see again. So she ran to the one place she knew he wouldn't go. The hair dye isle. Trevor always complained about her strange hair colors, saying he was sometimes embarrassed going out in public with her hair like that. She knew it was insulting but he covered it up by saying he loved how original she was.

While she was in the isle, remembering all the hair colors she's had that he had something to say about, she noticed something out of the corner of her eye. It was Mr. Scott. He waved to her then walked up to her. "Hey Aimee, looking for a new hair color?" Instead of looking like a complete idiot she reached for the first color there without looking. "Ah, going pink this time I see." He stood there and chuckled and she wanted to cry. She hated pink.

"Uhm, actually no. I hate pink. I was just looking to see if there was a better color behind it."

"Good. No offense, but I don't believe you would look that good with pink hair. That's just a teachers perspective though, don't take it to heart." They both laughed then he reached over and grabbed a box of color. It was a shade of blue that reminded her of the sky. "I know I'm a teacher and shouldn't encourage breaking the rules, but hey I can't turn down my favorite color." He handed her the box. She thanked him and they said their goodbyes as she went to go check out.

As soon as she got home she started cooking dinner.

After she ate she did what she did every week since freshman year. She went outside and gathered all the flowers she could. Only the prettiest though. Then she walked down to the church only about a mile or two from her house. She walked into the cemetery and walked down the rows of familiar names. Then she found the two she was looking for, her parents. She laid the flowers down in front of the headstone then sat down. She cried and told them about her week.

She missed her parents. When she was a freshman they were killed by a drunk man who thought they were trying to take him to jail. After they died she emancipated herself and has been on her own since. Now she visits them and only her. She doesn't let anyone else come with her. Not even Trevor.

Once she got back home she grabbed the box of hair dye and went into the bathroom. She stood there looking at her reflection for a while. Then she started working on her hair. The blue looked better on her than she thought it would. It was almost midnight by the time she was done. She washed the dishes and cleaned up her mess and went to bed.

Walking down the halls of hell, she sees Trevor with his tongue down her ex besties throat. Trevor spots her and grins. He throws the girl to the side and starts running towards Aimee. All of the sudden someone pushes Josh into a wall and starts punching him. Once Trevor is finally knocked out the man starts walking towards her. The man gently places his hands on her cheeks and smiles. He then places a finger under her chin, pulling her chin up a little and kisses her. A kiss so sweet and so unbelievable she could never forget. She could never forget the man in her dreams who gave it to her either. Then she was startled awake by her alarm clock. She got up and got ready for school.

She walked down the hall and saw Trevor with her replacement, but something had come over her. The realization that he doesn't matter to her anymore. Yes, she still cared about him. The memories will never fade, but she didn't care. She was no longer burdened by hurt because of him. She knew why though. This was because of her dream last night. The dream that revealed who she truly had feelings for.

Finally in fourth block, she sits in the same place as yesterday. Doodling in her notebook waiting for the final bell to ring. She silently watches Mr. Scott out of the corner of her eye. She notices every time he looks over at her and sees her slight glance at him, he smiles. She decides he is just trying to be nice to the quiet kid.

The final bell rings and everyone rushes out to go home, but not her. She quietly puts away her things and starts to leave. "The blue turned out quite beautiful." He said with a grin.

"Thank you. It turned out better than I thought it would."

"How is that paper coming?"

"Depends on what you want. I haven't written anything yet."

"Lack of inspiration?"

"I guess you could say that." He grabs a piece of paper off his desk and writes down an address.

"Meet me here at ten o'clock, dress nice and don't be late." He hands her the paper and slightly brushes her hand with his. Trying not to over think it she puts the paper in her pocket and tries not to blush.

Wearing her favorite and only dress, with her hair pulled up, she leaves at nine thirty. She follows the directions she got from the Internet and finds a nice restaurant. She goes inside and notice it's also got a dance floor. waves her over from the table in the back. "I hope you don't mind, I've noticed you like sitting in the back." He laughs like he thinks he is so clever.

"This is perfect, . Even better since I'm not trying to block out any of your lectures." She grins devilishly as she sits down.

"Ouch! You got me, and call me Josh." Someone comes on the mic and announces the song that's about to play and that the dance floor is open. "You ready to find your inspiration?"

"You ready to watch me fall and bust my ass?"

"The answer is yes." He laughs and takes her hand. They get into the middle of the dance floor and get into waltz position. They laugh and dance without a care in the world. Then a slow song comes on and they stop dancing. He backs away from her a little and bows. "May I have this dance?" He says in a corny British accent.

"Of course you may, darling." They get close together and dance. Half way through the song she rests her head on his shoulder. She looks up at him in a caring way. He then places a finger under her chin, pulling her chin up a little and kisses her. A single tear streams down her cheek.

"Are you ok? Did I do something wrong? I'm sorry."

"This night has been so perfect. I didn't think I could be this happy in a while." She kisses him again with so much passion. The song stop and they walk, hand in hand, to their table.

As the night comes to a close, they head to their cars. He grabs her hand pulls her into him. "This was fun, we need to do it again." He kisses her once more before they went home.

Once she was home she got ready for bed but she wasn't tired. She laid in bed for hours and just thought about everything that happened today. She thought about the kiss. It's was exactly how she dreamed it would be. She thought about her upcoming birthday. The big 18. She will finally be an adult in age. Still a virgin, she has been saving herself for her one.

Slowly, she drifted off to sleep.

The next morning, Friday morning, she walked into the school and saw Gavin. He was smiling as if he was waiting for her. She casually walked past him, grinning, teasing him. She was so happy and everyone could tell.

Finally in his class, she sat in her usual spot. Today though, he didn't look at her once. She felt upset about that, so she just sat there and doodled. When class was over she stayed behind. "Why didn't you look at me? Not even once? Wow, hearing that come out of my mouth sounds really childish." She blushed a little and looked at the ground.

"Because if I looked at you, I wouldn't be able to stop. So, I hear somebody's birthday is coming up this weekend." He smiles and pulls flowers out from behind his desk. She smiles and just looks at him. "What?"

"You're just so perfect." He hands her the flowers.

"I would hug you but school grounds. Anyway, tomorrow we are spending the day together. I'm thinking maybe a picnic."

"That sounds great!"

"I'll pick you up around ten, is that alright?"

"That's fine, I'll be ready and waiting." She grabs her stuff and gets ready to leave, but he quickly walks behind her and kisses her cheek. She blushes, smiles and goes home.

Once she is home she grabs a bottle of liquor she has been saving. Then walks to the cemetery. Not only is this her birthday weekend, it's also the anniversary of her parents death and she plans to get hammered.

She sits at their headstones and tells them about her day and how excited she is for tomorrow. As she drinks, she talks more and more.

Next thing she remembers is waking up in her bed and someone knocking on the door. She gets up and goes to check it out before looking at the clock. When she opens the door a little and the light pierces her eyes, she remembers her date. She lets him in and closes the door. "I am so sorry. I had a late night last night."

"I can tell. Is it ok if I ask what happened?" Not wanting him to worry, she went ahead and told him.

"Four years ago, my parents were murdered. This weekend marks the anniversary of their death. Every year I drink a bottle of liquor and I talk to them at their headstones." Tears started to fill her eyes and he walked over and held her.

"Here, you go wake up and we will just spend the day here, ok?" She nodded and went to take a shower. Once she got out of the shower, she wrapped the towel around her. She was ready.

"Hey Josh, can you come here real quick?" He gets up and walks into her room and sees her standing there. She slowly takes the towel off nervously, walks over to him and kisses him. He pulls her closer to him and he kisses her harder and more passionate than ever. He starts to unbutton his shirt and takes off his pants as they stumble towards the bed.

"Wait! I don't want to do this, not now at least."

"But it was your idea."

"I want to give you all of me and I thought I was ready, but I can't yet." She said in more of a whisper as she started to sob uncontrollably. He sighed and smiled in understanding. He ran his fingers through her hair like silk and wiped her tears away.

"It's ok. Just know I'll be here when you're ready." He continued to brush her hair with his fingers and they slowly drifted into sleep.

When he woke up she was not in the bed. He got dressed and walked down the hallway towards the living room. No lights were on but he saw something like a candle flickering in the dining room. Going to check it out he saw an amazing home cooked candle lit dinner. He gasped in amazement. "Did you do this all by yourself?"

"I didn't want to wake you and I didn't want this day to go to waste. I want you to know how much I appreciate you and everything you have done for me." He smiled and walked over to her and he kissed her so sweet and so simple. She felt happiness, pure and perfect. She felt safe, not worried about what the next day, next week, next anything might bring. After the kiss they sat, ate laughed talked. By the end of that night she had fallen so completely in love with him, she lost track of time. It was almost midnight by the time they were done. They got up and she walked him to the door.

"I had a great time." He kissed her cheek.

"I'm glad. I just want you to know how much I care about you."

"Don't worry, I do." He smiled, "Do you want me to come see you tomorrow?"

"No, I'm sure we both have things to do." She gave him a hug and a kiss, then he left. She cleaned everything up and thought about what happened today while she washed the dishes. She loved him. There was no way around it, no other explanation. She thought about that as she went to bed.

The next morning she woke up, got dressed and went to the park. She sat under the tree and wrote in her journal. What else would she write about other than her new found love. She wrote everything about last night, last weekend and every day since the first time she saw Gavin. She wrote the good, the bad, every little thing that ran through her mind and her heart.

Looking up for a few moments, she saw her. The girl who she confided secrets in. Who she shared everything with. Who turned her back on her. Who lied, manipulated, back stabbed, and hurt her. She is also the girl who gave her a new start. A reason to move on. Realizing this, Aimee puts her journal in her bag and walks over to her.

"I know it's been awhile since we talked, but I just wanted to say thank you." Aimee smiled a genuine smile.

"I took your boyfriend. How can you be so happy? Why are you thanking me?"

"Yes, you may have taken him from me, but you gave me a reason to get over him. Now that I am I have found someone else. I'm happy again thanks, in part, to you" Aimee smiled, hugged her and walked away. As she was walking her thigh hit her bag and accidentally knocked out her journal. Not knowing this Aimee kept walking to her car. Someone did notice, though. She did. Quickly, she picked it up and read it. The further she got the bigger the grin grew on her face.

The next morning at school, the glares of her classmates seem to be more mincing than usual. Five minutes into first block she was called to the principal's office. He was holding something that didn't belong in anyone else's hands but hers. Something that held all her secrets.

"It has come to our attention that you and one of our staff members are having inappropriate relations. This cannot continue. will be fired immediately and as for you, you're suspended until further notice. I hope you're happy with yourself, you just ruined a mans job." He didn't move one muscle or show any emotion the whole time he was talking. Little did he know inside she was dying. She gathered her things and didn't look at him as she left. Tears streaming down her face she sees Trevor and he just laughs at her. Then a few more and a few more and a few more, soon the entire hallway was laughing.

By the time she got home she was a wreck. She threw her bag down and laid on the couch crying. After a few hours she had calmed down. Then there was a knock on the door. She opened it slowly and saw Josh. She immediately jumped to hug him, but he pushed her away.

"How could you do this?" Fury seething through him.

"I didn't know how this happened. I don't know how he got my journal."

"Well it doesn't matter much now, now does it? God can't you do anything right? No wonder your parents died, they were probably trying to clean up one of your fuck ups." She couldn't say anything. She couldn't even cry. She just shut the door and went to her room.

A week later Josh read the obituary. He saw the name of a girl who was a senior in high school. She loved to write, and was orphaned on her freshman year. She had shot herself.

A few more days went by and Josh received a letter with no return address. His curiosity got the best of him and he opened it. There were a few pages filled with words and a sticky note attached to the front page. 'Thanks for the inspiration' the note read and he automatically knew who it was from. He then knew that they weren't just any papers. They were her last words. Her crushed hopes, her dead dreams. They were her reasons. It was her suicide note.

"Life is full of maybes. Maybe my parents could have lived. Maybe Trevor just wasn't worth my time. Maybe my best friend was just doing what was right. Maybe Josh, excuse me, really loved me. Maybe I wouldn't have killed myself.

My parents death was a lost cause. There was no way to avoid it. I know they loved me with all their hearts, just like I knew they loved each other just as much. However, just like every other teenager just starting high school, I didn't appreciate them like I should have. I took advantage of their love and broke their hearts many times. Then they never came back. I never got the chance to disobey them for the sake of keeping up with my rebellious teenage phase. Mom never got the chance to hold me close and stroke my hair after every broken heart. Dad never got the chance to walk me down the isle and cry as he spins me during my daddy daughter dance. Don't worry dad I didn't get to go down that isle either.

He loves me, he loves me not. A simple childish game with more meaning than anyone could truly understand. For some love is like a light switch. Turn it on and have the brightest adventure of your life. He loves me. Turn it off and it's back to the depressing dark corner of loneliness, or at least that's how it felt to me. He loves me not. The flip of this oh so simple switch may seem minor to some, but to others it's monumental. Trevor flipped this switch without batting an eye. I guess that means he loves me not. I also guess that meant I wasted my time, effort and heart on him. A one sided relationship always hurts, but when its faked for so long it doesn't hurt anymore. It kills you to know you wasted everything on someone who wanted nothing to do with you. It's fine though, I'm over it.

Right or wrong it's all the same when you get the same feeling of satisfaction for both. I'm sure she felt that satisfaction when she pretended to be my best friend for so long. My secret keeper, my trusty sidekick and my partner in crime. It was all a lie though. One after another after another. Every late night phone call, every all nighter, a lie. Every time we needed a shoulder to cry on, every time we fought and "made up", a lie. Then the ultimate betrayal, or so I thought at the time. I will never know why she did it, why she took him from me. However, I will never forget it happened and how much it hurt.

Speaking of never forgetting, I will never forget that one night. The night Mr. Scott took me out. I was never expecting that night or how much would grow from it. Never did I think it would turn into us falling for each other. Never did I think to remember to tell him I ruin everything I care about. Never did I think we would fall in love. At least I thought. From the first kiss to the last I finally thought I had a future. Guess I was wrong.

Death. It is the unavoidable, the undefinable, the undeniable. It is the end and the beginning. Some try to avoid it, some try to catch it, no one truly experiences it. That's what I used to believe. I've watched so much die. My parents, my friendships, my relationships, now it's my turn. The sweet taste of the lips of the black angel calling my name, beckoning in seductive whispers. Now I must join my parents and never look back. I hope you're all happy."

This letter, the essay she was to write, brought him to his knees. He cried for hours, then put the letter in another envelope and submitted it to the contest. After he put a stamp on it he put it in the mailbox. He walked to her grave to sit and confess everything. His love for her, his guilt for what he said, his sorrow now that she is gone. When he finished he pulled something out of his pocket, put it in his mouth and said his final goodbye.

The next morning his name was in the newspaper. He was at the top of the obituary list. He really did love her.


End file.
